#BUT LIKE HELL I'M FLAT DON'T EVEN START WITH ME GOODY-GOODY

[mapplestrudel]

Mando'a for Beginners - Chapter 13: Geroya - Playtime

Summary: You face a Labyrinth of Trials. And Paz has a little too much fun with it.

Pairing: Paz Vizsla/Earthling!Reader

Wordcount: ~1.4K

This chapter on AO3: Here Previous chapter on tumbler: Here Translations: At the end.

A/N: YES, I'm still working on it - slowly but surely!

---

ZIIOONG!

Something zips past you as soon as you enter, only centimeters away from your cheek and you feel the little breeze in its wake.

FUMP!

Something hits your chest.

You have barely time to look around. You don't see Paz but there's something else flying directly towards you.

FUOMP!

It hits your shoulder!

"Fuck! What-"

FOMP!

This time it's your stomach that's being hit and you bend over.

"Paz!" you shriek. "Stop it!"

ZIIIONG!

Another close miss.

You run and dive behind the next best thing and it is some sort of box. You knock on it. It's metal, seems stable enough for now.

"Paz!" you shout. "What the fuck?!"

You hear something crackle above the box and when you take a look you sure as hell get a

- FUMP! -

right in your face!

But what you also got, is a comlink which you put on with trembling hands.

"DUDE! CAN YOU NOT?!"

"I'll stop when you reach the other end of the room."

"What?!"

"You heard me. Now do something."

The box moves on its own will and you lose your cover.

FUMP!

The chest again.

"Having fun?" Paz' amused voice crackles through the com.

"Gar di'kut!"

He only chuckles at this.

There's a rope hanging down not too far away from you, leading up to some sort of haphazard metal platform pathway suspended from the ceiling that is higher than you'd expected. It would be difficult to hit you up there, but there's no way you could get up there. The last time you did climbing ropes was at school, and... well, you don't wanna think about it.

You lay flat on the ground, wishing you had cartoon character strength in your toes and fingers to just diddle-liddle-liddle away. Or one of these convenient buttons that summon anvils falling from the sky.

But as you bemoan, not for the first time in your life, your non-cartoonishness, you look around. The room is much bigger than it looked from the outside. And there's stuff all over the place.

FUMP!

You groan as another thing hits you on your back. While it does sting a little, it's nothing you can't handle. But, knowing yourself and how quickly you bruise, you are very sure, that by the end of the day you'll look like a blueberry muffin.

Great, and now Frank Zappa starts playing in your mind. Thanks, brain.

You get up to run and take cover behind a shelf. Peeking through the gaps you see a tennisball sized ball hitting the place where you just were. It bounces off a bunch of times and stays put where it eventually comes to rest. So far, so physics basics.

Until it zips back from whence it came.

So much for waiting until he runs out of ammo.

What you also see through the gap is a labyrinth of boxes and plattforms, vertical and horizontal poles and railings. It reminds you a bit of a Mass Effect setup actually. Commander Shepard would get through this in a breeze. Had you taken up parkours in your youth this would be a fun quick exercise, but alas you did not and now you'd have to snail your way through this (like through everything in your life).

You sit down, back against the shelf, clueless as to how to proceed.

What kinda game is this anyway? What are the rules?

You look around and up - and see something peeking over the edge of the suspended metal pathway. Maybe if you threw something up to hit it, it would eventually topple over and fall down?

The shelf is so kind as to provide a soft rubberball, about volleyball-sized.

You need a few tries but eventually the thing comes down and it's exactly what you needed - a plasto board thick enough so you could turn into a makeshift shield.

The shelf holds even more goodies in store and you start to get a picture of what this is all about.

You find a bag and stock up on anything useful you find lying around, your vast experience as rpg adventurer helping tremendously (for once).

You find some sort of duct tape, a bag of ballbearings, rope, a flashlight, and a square bandana which you fold up and bind around your head, Rambo style.

The Spirit of MacGyver is with you as use your pocket knife to cut a bunch of holes into the plasto board and rip off a few longer strips of tape and braid them into straps to fix onto the plasto plate so you can carry it on your back for protection (cowabunga!) or like an actual shield in front of you.

Somehow Fu is also here, your bestest friend, the broom, and while you doubt this is a coincidence you're still very happy to have it and prop it as your walking stick, Gandalf style.

Thusly equipped you feel somewhat prepared for the labyrinth. And a smile slips across your face as you feel like you're back on the playground as you were many years ago. Just without mud puddles. Presumably.

But then you hear a metallic hiss. In the air.

-- KSSSHHHH. KSHHH. --

Oh no.

You know that sound, and as you slowly look up, and a small metallic sphere looks down at you, your suspicion is confirmed.

"Oh f----!"

--ZAP!--

"OW! A ZAPPING BALL? REALLY?"

Paz chuckles through the comlink.

- "Better not stay too long in one place, vod'ika."

KSHH. KSSSHHHH.

--ZAP!--

Shit! Ouch! Damnit! Why??

You're no Jedi in need of lightsaber training! You're just a girl with... a broom.

Your grip on Fu's handle tightens, and with a sudden bolt of reckless courage, you swing your broom at the offending sphere and THWACK it with all your might.

"Net'urcye mhi, Zappy!"

There might be a snort being transmitted through the comm, but you can't be sure as you're too busy enjoying how Zappy crashes against the wall with an indignant boop and then stays where it is, on the ground.

So far, so good.

But then it whirrs a little and whirrs some more and - rises.

-- KSSHHH. KKSSHHH. --

Time to move out.

You grab your stuff from the shelf.

And step out of your cover.

Another ball comes in flying low - but it bumps off of your shield, and you can't help a proud smile on your face.

What follows is a maze run that gets you zapped, bumped, watered, and bruised, while jumping, crouching, sneaking, pushing, pulling, climbing, trying (and failing) to swing across some monkey bars. You don't even understand how this much fits into the room, but then maybe you're just running in circles right now with this labyrinthine arrangement changing after every corner.

It's kinda fun though, you have to admit, but also, you haven't had this much exertion in... well... let's be honest, it's been years, and you are already exhausted. And you have no clue how close you are to the finish line.

Huffing and puffing, you step around the last corner, looking like a sad clown with your broom, makeshift shield, and goodies bag.

Another ball bumps off of your plasto shield and you sport a proud smile as you find yourself facing the Final Boss, the big blue di'kut in his big blue tin suit.

"Not bad, vod'ika." He gives you an acknowledging nod. "You made it to the end. That's more than I expected, to be honest."

You snort a laugh.

"You know... Same. Wow. What trip. Can I go now?"

"Nope."

You stare at him.

"Nope?"

"Yeah."

"Well... what else?"

"You got to take that box over there and bring it to Matyas." He points to a box on a shelf behind him.

"That there box?"

He nods.

"Why?"

He gives you a headtilt.

"It's... just some stuff he needs for repairs."

"Huh. Well, sure," you shrug. "I'd like to have a shower first, but what gives.."

You start walking towards the box, but you don't get very far. Because Paz steps right in your way. Maybe he didn't notice. You take a few steps to the side to circumvent him, but once more he steps right into your way.

You look at him, confused.

Paz crosses his arms and gives you a headtilt. Ah. It's a challenge.

You take a deep breath...

.

.

.

... and blow a raspberry.

---

Translations: geroya -- [geh-ROY-ah] -- game, playtime (literally nearly-hunt)

Gar di'kut! -- [gahr DEE-koot] -- You idiot!

vod'ika -- [voh-DEE-kah] -- little sibling, little comrade, little friend

Net'urcye mhi, Zappy! -- See you never, Zappy! It's a pun involving ret'urcye mhi -- [rey-TOOR-shey-mee] -- Goodbye (lit. Maybe we'll meet again) and ne -- negative prefix

The Frank Zappa Song: Muffin Man

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 48 2001 Pop / Teen Pop / Adult Contemporary / House / R&B / UK Garage / Pop-Rock / Trance / Alternative Rock / Dance-Pop / Latin Pop

Alright, well, I know what *some* of you might be thinking here:

Hey, waitaseckin! You're tryna tell me that the 48th volume of Now came out in 2001? But my copy of Volume 6 that I hold near and dear to my heart came out that same year too! How the hell could they have released more than 40 volumes of this stuff within a single year?!

Well, you silly American, they didn't. I mean, don't you know that this whole super pervasive enterprise of repackaged contemporary hits didn't actually start in the States?? Now's original home is in the UK, and its first ever volume came out in 1983. And on top of that, while each of your American installments in the main series have only consisted of either one disc or one cassette, the UK's releases have been either double-discs, double-cassettes, or double-LPs!

So that's what we have here, folks. An early 2000s double-disc Now dispatch from the UK.

Now, I know that over the past week and change I've been really singing the praises of the UK music industry writ large when comparing it to America's, but the buck is going to have to stop right here, because despite this thing having a small, eclectic handful of flat-out y2k-era bangers on it, it's still, unfortunately, pretty freaking bad. The plurality of what's on this is pure pop music, and while the tunes that were also popular in the States, like Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like a Bird" and Britney's "Stronger" are the ones that undoubtedly go the hardest, the vast majority of the rest of them are just very flat. No flair or pizzazz in the production chops; just deeply uninspired, hollow, mass-produced dreck. I don't think I've ever heard a good solo Spice Girls single before, and that streak continues with both Emma Bunton's "What Took You So Long" and Melanie B's "Feels So Good," and even the often reliable Robbie Williams, whose singles usually satisfy with a level of charmingly catchy and classy glitz, sounds like lame Christian megachurch pop-rock here, with "Let Love Be Your Energy." Ugh!

But what always seems to make these UK versions of Now ultimately still worth a listen is the electronic music, which is something that the US versions didn't dabble in too much in the early years, besides a couple Fatboy Slim jams here and there. I got pretty deep into the nature of the UK music industry in a post last week, but to sum it up quickly here, the UK embraced electronic and dance music in the late 80s with the Second Summer of Love, which made acid house wildly popular, and ever since then the country has been far more willing to embrace many forms of electronic music, while the US simply hasn't.

So that's why there are a whole lot more dance tunes on the UK comps than the US ones, and even though they can be quite cheesy too, like Dario G's pop-trance defilement of The Cranberries' "Dreams" 😒, you're still bound to run into at least one very good song that Americans don't know anything about; and that song in this particular volume is a piece of house from Italy's Planet Funk called "Chase the Sun." As far as I can tell, Planet Funk have never charted in the US in any capacity before, but this debut single of theirs ended up proving immensely popular across the pond, netting itself a top-five spot on the UK singles chart in 2001. With a melody taken from an Ennio Morricone tune and vocals provided by Finland's Auli Kokko, this very sleek and well-layered gem really makes for a beautifully warm and nocturnal kinda vibe 😌.

But other than that, there's really not too much else here that Americans who had their radios locked onto their favorite commercial hit radio stations and their TVs tuned to MTV wouldn't know about. Usually when I sift through these UK versions of Now, I end up finding a lot more goodies that failed to make it Stateside, but nothing else on these two discs here really feels worth writing about. I still prefer the UK version of this series overall, of course, because the electronic music naturally makes it far more eclectic than the US version, but that eclecticism doesn't always translate into a better release; and such is the case here 😔.

Highlights:

CD1:

Nelly Furtado - "I'm Like a Bird" Shaggy feat. Ricardo "Rik Rok" Ducent - "It Wasn't Me" Modjo - "Chillin'" Britney Spears - "Stronger" Backstreet Boys - "Shape of My Heart"

CD2:

Feeder - "Buck Rogers" Papa Roach - "Last Resort" Planet Funk - "Chase the Sun" Safri Duo - "Played-A-Live (The Bongo Song)" Mýa - "Case of the Ex" Chanté Moore - "Straight Up" Joe - "Stutter"

[be-the-spark-flyboy]

Meant To Be [part 1]

A/n: missed last week buT NOT THIS TIME WRITERS BLOCK😤 written for @autumnleaves1991-blog writer wednesday

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Finn (modern au)

Warnings: swearing, pining, BB8 is a snarky 4 yr old, cuteness, some thirty thots, I don’t know how toddlers speak forgive me, barely proofread, age gap (Finn is 25 and Poe is 34)

Word count: 1.4K

—-

Poe was so tired. He could feel the sweat rolling down the back of his neck, the sun beating down on him mercilessly as he slammed the trunk of his car close a tad harder than necessary. A tiny head peaked out from the passenger seat at the noise. Poe grimaced.

He was really looking forward to handing over Beebee to Han and Leia for the evening and get some much needed rest. But now he was practically stranded in the middle of a desert, sand as far as his eyes could see and a flat tire, puncture kit nowhere to be found.

Dragging his feet back to the front, he dropped heavily onto the driver's seat, huffing in frustration. The radio was playing a pop song he may have heard sometime in passing, but hey, at least the air conditioning was unaffected and they had more than enough snacks packed for the trip. The last thing he needed was a hangry kid crying from the punishing heat.

Said toddler turned to look at him and he snorted at her serious expression and his aviators looking comically large on her small face. Beebee smiled back. "Now are you going to call grampa Han?" she asked.

"Looks like I don't have a choice," he sighed, prompting a round of giggles from Bee.

"He's going to be mad,"

"Little lady, do you think it's funny when your dad gets yelled at by that old man?"

"I'm gonna tell him you called him old man," she giggled again.

"No you won't,"

"Yes, I will," she told him with conviction.

"Snitches get stitches," Poe lurched forward tickling her sides making her squeal with laughter.

"I'm gonna tell him!"

---

"You always get the same thing! Try something new," Rey groaned.

Finn smiled pleasantly at her irritation, cheerfully replying, "Nope," as Rey parked her ancient looking pick-up truck outside the ice-cream parlour. "And if you get me anything but butterscotch I'll steal your keys," he threatened.

"And then what? Walk home by yourself?" Rey laughed, slipping out before Finn could issue more stupid threats. He pouted in his seat, watching his roommate happily skip into the shop.

Fridays were Finn's favourite. Classes end early and it was his off day too. More often then not Han lets Rey off earlier at the shop so he gets to spend more time with her as well. It was just perfect.

The phone on the dashboard starts to vibrate not a minute later. Finn recognized the caller ID and picked it up. "Hello, Solo,"

"Rey not there?" came the gruff reply.

"Nice to hear from you too, I've been good, how about you?" He asked cheerfully. Maybe the fact that he wasn’t face to face with Han Solo made him a little more bold than usual. Rey swears he is a teddy bear under all that grumpy personality but Finn was yet to be convinced.

"Not in the mood, big deal," the old man huffed on other side.

"I can take a message," Finn folded. Best not to push him too far.

“My idiot godson got himself stranded out in the desert without a puncture kit. I need Rey to go help him out,”

“Aye aye, captain,”

---

Bee was adorably dancing along to the Peppa pig theme song on her god-knows-how-many episode on the iPad propped up against her knees. Exhaustion was pulling at Poe’s eyelids as he fought to keep them open.

It had been almost an hour since he made that absolutely not fun at all call to Han, who spent fifteen whole minutes lecturing him on the importance of being prepared, especially with a toddler dependent on him. Thankfully Leia had interrupted with an excuse of wanting to talk to Beebee.

Then they had waited and waited. He had already gotten out of the car to stretch his legs about three times, not more than a few minutes at a time, too scared he would melt right into the ground from the heat. One particularly long blink of his eyes later, he noticed a battered looking pickup truck approaching and thought dear lord let them be my savior.

The truck parked on the opposite side of the road and a young woman in a tank top and grease stained jeans hopped out. Must be the one Han called Rey. Poe dropped a kiss on Bee’s forehead, asking to her to stay inside. He pushed the door open and— very nearly tumbled to the ground in his gay panic.

Another person stepped out of the truck, a man maybe a few inches taller than the woman. And goddamn, he was fine. The black band tee stretched just so around his chest and Christ, those biceps.

“You must be Han’s godson,” Rey’s voice snapped him out of his gawking. God, he must have been so obvious. For all he knew, the guy could’ve been Rey’s boyfriend.

Poe slapped on a polite smile before offering his hand. “Poe Dameron. Nice to meet you,”

“I’m Beatrice Dameron, but everyone calls me Beebee,” said a voice in an adorable toddler drawl. When the hell did she get out of the car? Was he really that distracted? “Nice to meet you,” Bee offered her hand mirroring him.

Rey crouched down to take her hand. “That’s a nice name. I’m Rey,”

“I asked you to stay in the car,” Poe hissed after Rey went to get the spare tire.

“I didn’t say yes,” Beebee answered before skipping away after Rey. Are four year olds even supposed to be that sassy? An amused chuckle drew his attention back to the handsome stranger.

“Cute kid,” his smile rivaled sunshine— shut up, inner-monologue.

“You’d think that, but before you know it she would have you wrapped around her little finger and you can’t say no to her,” The handsome stranger laughed again and something fluttered in Poe’s chest at the sound.

“I’m Finn, Rey’s roommate,” Oh goodie, not boyfriend then. “You new to town?” Finn asked. God, even his name was perfect.

“Technically, yeah. But it’s fortunate I got transferred somewhere with people I know, ya know,”

“What do you do?”

“Flight instructor at the airbase,” Poe shrugged nonchalantly. It was a brag, he knew it and judging by the arch of Finn’s eyebrows, he thought it was impressive too. “What about you?”

Before he could hear Finn’s answer, Beebee came barreling into Poe, screaming, “I’m gonna be a mechanic when I grown up!”

“That’s great, honey,” Poe lifted up his kid into his arms. Rey walked up behind her.

“You’re all set,” Poe looked at her on surprise. That was fast. After thanking the her for the help, Rey and Finn departed. He sighed forlornly. If only he still had game or time to date.

“You ready to leave now?” Bee nodded her head vigorously. There’s only so much desert one can tolerate.

—-

Han failed to mention his idiot godson was hot. Quite honestly, ‘hot’ wasn’t even doing justice to the head full of dark, gravity-defying curls either. Finn groaned out loud, tipping his head back into the head rest.

“He’s a pilot, Rey,” Rey straight up laughed at his pathetic whining. But Finn paid her no mind as usual. “Do you think he has those uniforms Air Force officers wear? I bet he looks so sexy in them,”

“I don’t know, you could just ask him,” Rey stated.

“Hell no! He has a kid, what if he’s straight? Or worse, what if he’s married?”

“Don’t say you didn’t see him checking you out! Besides, he wasn’t wearing a ring,” Finn briefly wondered when Rey got so observant.

“He wasn’t checking me out!” Finn spluttered.

“Oh ho ho, yes he was,” Rey exclaimed. “Very nearly drooled, too,”

“It doesn’t matter,” he deflated, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m probably not gonna see him again after this anyways,” he lamented.

“He’s Han and Leia’s godson, of course you’re gonna see him again,��� as if on queue, Rey’s phone dinged again. “See who texted?” Finn skimmed through the message Han sent and groaned again. “What?”

“Han invited us to dinner, apparently Poe’s gonna be there too,” Finn swore Rey’s answering cackle could be heard for miles.

—-

[barnesbabee]

‘I Hate You’ - Choi San x Reader

Summary: You hated San, and supposedly so did he. But what if he was just bad at getting your attention?

Pairing: Choi San x Reader

Words: If I had to guess I’d say 69

Genre: Smut, Fluff?, Angst

A/N: I turned this into a whole ass thing. I did my best lol hope I didn’t disappoint anyine. Enjoy xx💖

REQUESTS SUPER OPEN

“ ‘I hate you.’ ‘No you don’t.’ “ // “Why are you covered in mud?”

---- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THE PROMPTS ANON ----

 "I swear to God San, if you don't give me back the fucking notebook I'm going to punch you." You threatened, tired of reaching for your own belongings.

   Every time you stretched your arms to get it, he'd hold it up higher.

    "Oh but I'd like to see that," his mouth approached your ear, so he could whisper to you "I want to see you lose control."

    You stomped your foot and pushed him away furiously.

    "You're so annoying!" You yelled at him.

    You were immediately shushed by two other students that were sitting somewhere in the library. 

     For some unknown reason, San loved to tease you and push you around. He wouldn't bully you or humiliate you, but he liked to poke fun at you from time to time and try his best to push you to your breaking point. He wanted you to break out of your goody-two-shoes persona, but you never gave in.

    San pursed his lips, to hold back a laugh, when he heard the other two students shushing you. 

    "You're impossible!" You whisper-yelled at him.

    You then collected the rest of your materials, shoved them in your backpack, and grabbed your umbrella. You turned your back to him and angrily made your way towards the door. San looked at the book in his hand and then at you, confused.

     "Y/N I still have your book!" He yelled, earning angry looks from everyone else in the library.

     You turned to face him, a piercing glare in your eyes at all times. You mouthed 'fucking keep it then' and left.

     The city looked gray that day. Clouds filled the sky and the raindrops fell violently on the floor. You opened your umbrella as quickly as possible to avoid getting soaked, and then started walking home, avoiding every little puddle on the sidewalk as to not get your shoes wet. That all went to Hell however, when you heard a motorcycle roaring behind you. You looked up from the ground and behind you. 

    San's motorcycle was speeding, and when he passed by you, he made sure to run over a muddy puddle, getting you not only soaked from head to toe, but also with mud stains all over. 

    You closed your eyes and dropped the umbrella, out of shock, as the brown droplets painted your body and clothes. San stopped his motorcycle not far away and walked towards you. 

    You remained immobile, still trying to wrap your head around what had happened, and thinking that maybe, maybe it had been an accident. However those thoughts quickly washed away as the male stepped closer to you and pushed his helmet up slightly, revealing a mischievous smirk.

     "Oh, poor girl... Why are you covered in mud? Whatever happened to yo-"

    You didn't let the male finish the sentence. Your hand flew across his face, colliding with his cheek in the process. San furrowed his eyebrows and didn't move for a second, still processing the sharp pain he felt in his cheek. Once he'd understood what happened, he grazed his fingers over his cheek and looked down at you. You were staring at him with tears of anger brimming in your eyes, gritted teeth and fists balled up by your sides.

     "You wanted me to snap!? Well, I just did! Are you happy!? Now fucking leave me alone!" You yelled at him.

    You made sure to bump your shoulder against him as you walked away, but his sudden grip on your wrist didn't allow you to move very far.

    "San, you are the most intolerable person I've ever met, please, let me go." You begged, without even glancing at him.

    "I'm sorry."

    You looked at him as if he was stupid, and the male sighed. His grip on your wrist loosened and he removed his helmet completely. He handed it to you and got on his bike.

    "Come on, put that on and get on the bike. I'll drive us to my place so you can change and wait for the rain to stop." He offered.

    You gave him an incredulous look and stepped back, while shaking your head negatively.

     "I'm definitely on getting on that with you as the driver." You said, pointing at the bike and then at him.

    He sighed once more.

    "Y/N get on the fucking bike, we're both soaking wet."

   You put the helmet on and got on the bike, still a little apprehensive about the whole scenario. San grabbed your hands and put them around his waist, so you'd be secure while riding with him. 

    It was a relatively short ride, but the whole time your heart was beating out of your chest, afraid that something would happen and you'd end up injured. You weren't a big fan of bikes, and being on one with San surely didn't make part of your plans.

    The second he stopped the motorcycle, you stepped off of it, breathing heavily. The male shook his head at you and laughed, as you two entered the apartment building. When you entered the elevator, you removed his helmet and handed it to him, mumbling a 'thank you'. He just smiled and nodded at you.

    His flat wasn't big nor small, it was the right size for a college student to live alone in. The kitchen and the living room were separated by a row of counters and by your right was a small hallway with a couple of doors.

     San took off his shoes and headed to one of the doors the second you two stepped in. You assumed it was the bathroom, since he carried two towels in his hands when he came back. He handed you one of them and you thanked him, then proceeding to dry off your hands, face, and hair. 

     You watched as the male stripped from his shirt and let the wet piece of cloth fall by his feet. You observed as his muscles flexed and moved under his skin. He was toned and very well built, a sight to see really, and in your defense, anyone would stare.

     San looked in your direction.

     "Are you eyeing me while I dry myself?" He asked, with a smirk.

    "I wasn’t- Well yes! Yes I am cause I can't believe you just stripped in front of a girl like that!" You complained.

    "You mean, you're shocked I stripped my shirt in my house to not get the floor wet?"

    Fuck, he had a point.

    You flipped him off and he just laughed at your reaction. 

    "Wait here a second, I'll get you dry clothes."

    He left for a couple of minutes, and when he came back he had on a new pair of grey joggers and a white t-shirt. He held some clothes in his hand that he gave to you.

    "I'm not changing with you standing there!" You told him.

    He turned his back to you.

    "I won't look!" 

    You stares at him for a second, with disapproval in your eyes, but started stripping anyway. You started by peeling your wet shirt off of you and your bra as well, as it was also wet, and then dried yourself off, pulling his t-shirt over your head as expeditiously as possible. 

   You repeated the process with your pants, and although you didn't want to go commando, you absolutely had to take off your panties, or else you'd just end up getting the pants he'd given you wet as well. 

   Once you were done you tapped on his shoulder. He turned around and smiled at you.

   "All done?" He asked.

   You simply nodded, and followed him farther into the house. He asked you to sit on the couch and turned on the tv for you. San disappeared for about five minutes and then came back with two servings of cup noodles. Your eyes instantly lit up as he handed you the snack.

    "That was cute." He told you as you dug into the ramen.

    You looked at him with a weirded-out look in your face and a raised eyebrow, as if you didn't understand.

    "The way you reacted to food," he explained and chuckled "it was cute."

    You just rolled your eyes and focused on eating and watching whatever was on tv.

     "Don't be rude!" He yelled at you, playfully.

     "Or what?" You teased.

    He set his cup of noodles down and approached his hands to your body in a weird way. 

    "What are you doing!?" You asked, a little freaked out.

     Before you could react, his hands tickled your sides. Your feet kicked the air and you squirmed on the couch whilst desperately trying not to let the noodles spill all over the floor.

    "Fine, fine! I'm sorry for being rude to you!"

     San backed away and resumed eating his food.

    "God, I hate you." You said, wearing a pout on your face.

    "No you don't."

    "I kinda do..." 

    Although you had whispered that while playing with the chopsticks in your hand, he had heard it clearly, and his heart sunk at the statement. His face fell and suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore. San set his cup of noodles down on the small coffee table once more and looked at you with saddened eyes.

    "I... I'm sorry."

    "San, you've already apologized and gave me dry clothes and food, it's okay."

    He shook his head, pursed his lips and averted his look.

    "Not because of that, because of... well, everything."

   You looked at him in disbelief. The sincerity in his voice scared you, you couldn't tell if he was making fun of you once more or if he actually meant it. You reached your hand out to touch his arm. Your fingers grazed over his skin lightly, as if reaching for him burned your fingertips.

    His eyes followed your hand and he let out a deep breath.

    "Listen I don't have the best behavior, I know, but I wanted to get your attention and then... And then you looked so cute when you were angry and I liked to see the effect I had on you but I hated to see you nearly cry today. I'm sorry I don't have a better approach."

    You were visibly taken aback about what he said. You expected anything to come out out of San's mouth, but certainly not a confession like that.

    "San, do you- do you like me?"

    His eyes widened at the realization. He looked at you for a second, and his expression seemed... distressed. San was scared that he had, in fact, gone too far and there was no going back now. The man stood up abruptly, pulling away from your touch in the process, and locked his eyes on the floor.

    "What!? No! I mean maybe... I- I don't know Y/N."

    You stood up and looked at him.

    "San I don't know what to say."

    He looked deep into your eyes. The light over you was very dim, and the particular scenario gave you two a sense of comfort.

    "Then don't say anything."

    San placed his middle and index finger under your chin and tipped it upwards. His lips encountered yours in a sweet, soft kiss. 

    The situation felt wrong, but San's lips on yours felt right. You never imagined a reckless man like him to kiss so delicately. While your head couldn't formulate a proper response, your body had already sorted it out. Your hands played with the hairs on his nape as you (gladly) accepted his kiss. 

    Although San's hands stayed on your hips, you could tell he wanted to move them to your ass, but he was afraid you'd push him away. So you took one of his hands in yours, and pulled them down to the place he yearned to touch.

     The male pulled away from the kiss and looked at you suggestively and pleasantly surprised at your demeanor.

    "After tonight you won't be calling me a goody-two-shoes anymore." You whispered in his ear.

    He groaned and grabbed a hand full of your ass as a response as he connected your lips once more.

    You moaned at his movements and he took the chance to slip his tongue in your mouth. He took it slow, for you, since he didn't want you feeling uncomfortable.

    You pulled away for air, and San's hand came up to your face to caress your cheek. He kissed your forehead and laced his fingers with yours. The male started walking towards one of the other doors, which you assumed was his bedroom. 

    San opened the door, displaying a small blue-colored room with one desk, a wardrobe, and a king-sized bed. 

    He gently pushed you down onto the bed and removed his shirt, before hovering over you and pinning your hands above your head. 

   San left a soft kiss on your lips, then one on your jaw, one on your neck, and finally one on your collar bone. 

   "Is this your first time?" He asked you.

   You nodded shyly, a little embarrassed at the fact. His lips kissed the spot under your ear.

    "Don't worry, I'll make your first time unforgettable."

     His right index finger traced your body, until he reached the waistband of the pants you wore. San's lips started playing with your neck while his hand started pulling the piece of clothing down. Once they were completely off, San looked down. No panties.

    "Fuck Y/N..." He groaned at the sight.

     He got rid of his pants and boxers, and you took the hint, stripping from your shirt as well. You suddenly felt very exposed, and so you tried to cover yourself with your hands. San gently grabbed your wrists and uncovered your body. He then placed a kiss between your breasts and one to your pretty, plump lips.

    "You're gorgeous... Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

    San reached for the top drawer of his nightstand and retrieved a condom, which he placed on the tip of his hardened cock and rolled down.

     He placed his member at your entrance and pushed in, slowly and carefully, as to not hurt you. 

    You groaned and gripped the sheets.

    "You okay?" He asked.

    You took a couple of deep breaths and looked at him. Panting, messed up hair, cheeks flushed, and cock deep inside you. Fuck he was gorgeous.

    "Y-yes, move." 

    At that, his hips started moving along to a moderate rhythm, until he saw you become comfortable. The second a moan escaped your mouth, San sped up his pace. He swung one of your legs over his shoulder and gripped your thighs for stability.

    You were very sensitive, and because it was your first time, your high came very soon. 

   It took a couple more thrusts from San for you to start feeling something build up in the pit of your stomach.

   "San, oh God, I think I'm cumming."

   "Let it out baby, cum for me."

   The pet name was your kryptonite, and as soon as it fell from San's lips you climaxed. You called for his name as your back arched and your eyes shut close. 

   The even tighter feeling of your pussy and your pretty moan caused San to release onto the condom with a groan.

    Neither of you moved for a couple of seconds, letting the moment sink in. Eventually, San pulled out and threw the condom somewhere, before collapsing next to you. 

    You looked at each other and smiled. You giggled, a little embarrassed at what you had just done, and buried your head in the crook of his neck.

    "Hey Y/N?" He called, getting your attention "Spend the night?”

[iammarylastar]

1. Alone amongst brothers.

"Cal! Hey mate where are you?" Snowballs clicked his fingers under his nose, startling him.

Bad idea. Never startle an ex cop ex Marine who hadn't slept for years.

Chris -his real name was Chris- came out of his reverie and offered a poor smile to his brothers. Obviously missing his goal to reassure his squad.

Who was he kidding?

He hadn't been here for years. For 3 years. 3 fucking years.

He hadn't been the same since he came out of prison. Since his brother, his real brother fled to Canada, to never return.

Since Oyster, his little brother killed that asshole in a bar.

Thinking about it, all this shit had started after their mother died.

Big, huge mess she had left behind.

He reluctantly came back to the world, that world without his mom nor his brother, that world where he's a useless piece of shit, forbidden to serve his country in any way.

Reverie couldn't have been more inappropriate. Living nightmare would have fit better.

"Next round on me." Jaeger announced with too much enthusiasm.

"Same?" He quirked an eyebrow at Cal, who just nodded, not bothering to say a word.

He didn't need another beer. Alcohol free. Taste free too. He'd been nursing the same bottle since he settled his ass in the bar, mind absently scratching the corner of the label with his nail.

He had been sentenced to 6 years and spent 3 at Pittsburgh Correctional Institution. He got a release, good behaviour. He'd been lucky, somehow, half of the prisoners were there because of him. Death had waited for him at every corner, but freedom hadn't tasted better.

A lot had happened in 3 years. Life had gone on whilst his had stopped behind the bars.

Snowball found his soulmate Carlo, Jaeger finally got Claire back, they married last year and were expecting their first child. Milk spawned two boys, fuck he'd been out for a long time.

Brotherhood meant leave no one behind. He had Oyster's back, he did what had to be done to save his brother from jail. Sentencing himself, ruining his own life.

He got nothing left. No wife, no family. Sure, his bros had always cared, hanging out, working out, having him in for all their kids birthdays, family barbecues, even last Christmas when Claire and Jaeger announced the good news.

They all exploded, hugging Claire and clapping Jaeger's shoulder, whooping and cheering like madmen.

He was genuinely happy for both of them and tried to ignore the stab in his guts.

For once he wanted and was in the mood to celebrate. Till his eyes landed on the blessed couple's wedding pic pinned on the wall, then spotted another showing his brothers in uniform, proudly posing with the groom.

Stab.

He wasn't there and it killed him.

Claire told him they got a seat settled in his honor and it hurt more deeply.

He had missed so many events, so many people.

Oyster.

He had spent most of his miserable life to raise his little brother -half brother but who cares?- kicked his ass every morning to have him secured at school, kicking his own ass to quit both grief and booze and pass his exams to assure them a future.

Look what future both fucked up.

If only he could have the slightest news of him, knowing his brother was fine and safe somewhere in Canada, a letter, a call, an emoji on whatever social media... but no. The cops were still looking for Oyster for Ben Daley's murder and as a cop -ex cop- he knew he and his mates have been under surveillance since day one.

Oyster had been MIA for 3 years with no chance of brightest days.

And he was left alone with nobody to care for and nobody to love.

His sentence had him kicked out from the police department, along with his staff sergeant status. No job. No rules to give rhythm to his days. No incomes but a few light works here and there in the neighborhood. The people he knew always put in a good word about him and hopefully people didn't ask for his criminal record before hiring him for fixing their roof, painting their fronts or uprooting a tree stump.

Yeah he had a lot to add to his resume: by-the-book cop, dauntless staff sergeant in the Marine corps, 2 rounds in Iraq, baby sitter and groundskeeper. Impressive.

"Man, look at this chick over there." Milk nudged him. "She's been eyeing you like she's willing to drop her panties for you."

Cal finally lifted his eyes and glanced at the girl in question. Thin, sexy, a blouse full of goodies, gaudy red lipstick, prying eyes.

Maybe he needed to get laid. He hadn't had sex since he came out of prison. His mates planned a party to celebrate his freedom and got him a working girl for the occasion but he wasn't in the mood.

He hadn't been interested in sex, not after what has happened in prison, not even a quick handjob while watching a porn. No. Scratch that. He's been forced into lame and painful wankings when his balls threatened to explode, but it was no fun at all. Far, far from it.

A slight nausea invaded his throat of the reminder and he forced the thought out.

Double sentence. If he hadn't suffered PTSD after what he did and witnessed in Iraq, then he got his trauma.

He might never use his cock again. Playground out of order. Broken.

"Nahhh... She looks cheap. Guys I don't need another blind date, you know. Your Tracy girl was crazy, she scared the shit out of me with her earlobe-licking... fetishism." Cal rubbed his earlob with a disgusting frown on his face, having all his skwad laughing out loud, wiggling all tongues out.

"Listen Cal. You need to get laid. You need a good fuck to come back to life. You're hot stuff still, you just need to pick up some gorgeous chick and have some fun! Before your dick just deceases from dehydration." Jaeger joked, hilarity ensued.

He looked around the crowded bar, tired. Tired to pretend he could be interested in that kind of date.

He didn't need a one night stand. He didn't need some cunt to fuck. He needed someone to love. And be loved in return.

Like the ol'time when he lived with his mom. Or with Oyster. He needed someone who cared.

"Thank you guys but I'm tired. I better go home and get some sleep. Need to wake up early and..."

His lame excuses got cut off by an angry Milk.

"Oh yeah, because you do have so much to do tomorrow, don't you? Cleaning up the house and walk Mrs Riley's pet? That's why you're leaving your brothers now? Cal, when are you going to get rid of this shit and be alive again? It's been 3 years already, move on for fuck sake!"

Cal didn't blink. He deserved to be scolded by his gang. He's been no fun, nothing more than a burden for them. A big piece of shit, whining about all he'd lost. Poor thing. Soon he'd lose them.

He was whining again. He's got the best friends he could dream of, people he could call his brothers, who were totally devoted to him, heart and soul.

His family. His home.

Those guys made it all easy for him while his time in prison. Paying him a visit each week, twice a week when they were off. They paid for his lawyer, his loan for the house so he wouldn't be homeless when he got out of prison. So he didn't have to break into his savings and get ruined in 6 months.

They did it in a heartbeat, without thinking nor asking for his permission. They told him it was the right thing to do. The same way Cal had them home, safe and sound after their tour in Iraq. Beside Jaeger's leg, abandoned there. How guilty he had felt, and still.

He owed them... everything.

He leant on his elbows and rubbed his face. He considered staying and trying to relax and have some fun, but his mood was definitely shitty.

Time to shake his thoughts and his big ass. He survived the war, survived in jail, he could survive this night.

"OK fuckers. But I don't want to bury my future here." He emptied his drink, slammed it loudly on the table.

"Let's get home and shake the walls!"

He grabbed his other beer and clinked glasses with his mates, and chugged it whilst his bros cheered and downed their own drinks.

"Last one at my mailbox is a loser!" Cal jumped on his feet and started running through the door.

"Ohhhh, you bastard!" Milk shouted, running after him, quickly followed by an enthusiast Snowball.

Jeager rolled his eyes and took out his wallet to pay the bill. He wouldn't win anyway, his fucking metal leg was no match for those big machines.

The three guys were messing around by the front door, playfully wrestling to pass first.

Cal jammed Milk's head in between his bulging biceps and disheveled his neat hairstyle, having him struggling even more for his freedom, grunting with rage. Snowball was stuck against the wall, the two heavy guys struggling were keeping him to head towards the door.

In a joint effort to get free, Snowball and Milk pushed Cal with all their strength until he popped out like a Champagne cork, sent flying against the wall. Just as the door opened on someone coming in.

Cal ended up glued to them, pinned on the wall, crushed against his broad chest.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah! What the hell?" A muffled voice came from underneath Cal's body.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" He apologized, peeling his body from a smaller and thinner one.

His hands flat against the wall, each side of a face. A beautiful face. Still blurry, he was too close to focus.

Never too close... he thought. Her smell itself made him stop.

"I'm sorry!" He uttered, forcing a step back. Finally able to focus on delicate features.

"I'm fine, I'm fine...uh, hey... I'm Jessica. " She said in a big grin as she rearranged the strands of hair away from her face.

"Nice to meet you..." She started, inviting him to introduce himself.

"Milk, nice to meet you gorgeous." The bastard spoke first, getting on Cal's business, more than happy to embarrass his mate.

"And this is Snowball" he continued, shamelessly stepping on Cal's toes and bluntly pushing him to the side.

"Ma'am!" Snowball bowed before an amused Jessica, glancing at the three boys with a smirk. "Please, accept our sincere apologies. I hope this giant idiot didn't hurt you when so roughly trying to get your attention."

Jessica let her eyes wander at the big stud's body and face, making sure it didn't turn into a stare. The man was built like a brick house, huge arms, solid chest, his short hair suggested he was a cop or a soldier, his handsome face obviously annoyed by his friends' demeanour. His gorgeous self nodding his head while pressing his so soft looking lips together. She felt her heart stop and her inside melt when they locked stares. His blue eyes were captivating and something slapped her in the face. Through his hilarious expression and attractive features, he looked so... sad and lonely. So much she wanted to pull him in in a hug and never let him go.

She forced her eyes back at the two dummies still making the show for her.

"And this!" Milk nudged his pal, "this is Chris Callahan, the man you need.

The thoughtfulness itself, well, when it's not nearly killing you, this guy is not only strong, courageous and handsome, thanks God he's also single."

Cal wanted nothing more than vanish from embarrassment after getting rid of that motherfucker of a so called best friend. On a definitive way.

But the more Milk was blurting his shit out, the more Jessica looked amused and kind of interested in him.

Eyeing him. The cutest smile on her lips. Which she bit when she finally was caught staring.

"This big sweet heart is to take darling, and you'd be a fool not to try your luck with him."

Milk got a little closer and lowered his voice "I heard he's got amazing skills, like... look at the size of his feet!"

The 2 guys barked a laugh, clunching at each other while Cam just chuckled and sighed, more uncomfortable than ever. Jessica shared the guys big laugh then winked at Cal, before glancing down to judge their size by herself.

Milk wiped the tears from his face, oh Lord he loved making fun of his mate so very much. Calming down his panting, he stepped back, still hooked to an exhilarated Snowball.

"If you want to excuse us mylady, we're up for a male race contest, where the loser will have to walk butt naked the entire week." He said, bowing out at Jessica, then stepping out of the bar with renewed loud laughs.

Cal just shifted uneasily on his spot, figuring out a way to stop looking like the dumbest guy on Earth.

"Sorry... That was... pretty awkward, wasn't it?" He shyly tried, mentally kicking in own ass to not have found something clever to say.

"Found it very funny actually, you guys made my day!" Her genuine smile cheered him up a little.

"Those guys are total weirdoes, please do not believe a single word of what they say." Cal flashed one of his best smile, pretty sure it would work for him.

"Seems your friends think very highly of you. The resume they made of you is quite appealing, you know." She made it sounds like a joke but couldn't help wondering about that nice guy, nice looking guy all in embarrassment in front of her.

And the size of his... feet.

"Yeah... Well, wait to meet them once they're not drunk and you might hear a different story." Cal shoved his hands deep in his pockets. Looking so cute.

"So... Cal, I'm looking forward to hang out with your smartass group of friends, and hear all kind of stories about you, I bet each more embarrassing than the last!" Jessica's fingers were playing with a strand of her hair against her will, flirting.

And it seemed this didn't get unnoticed, by the way Cal's stare lingered on her delicate features.

"I... I've got to go and look after those drunken asses before they get into more trouble. I won't stop hearing of it if I don't beat them tonight. It was so nice to meet you and again, apologies for so rudely bumping into you."

Chris scratched the back of his neck, torn between two options. Stay and risk to embarrass himself more and more, or leave and risk to never see her again.

"It's OK, Chris I'm fine. We would find a way to make it up for nearly knocking me down earlier. Go get them, we could meet another time. I'm new in town but I'm here for some time, let's catch up later!"

Chris chuckled, mumbled a cocky "sure!" through an enormous grin, dared to throw a wink at her before turning heels and walked out of the bar.

"I hope you lose!" She shouted at him as he reluctantly started to jog towards his mates.

"Thank you...?" Chris turned to face her again, walking backward, wearing an astonished expression. That was not the kind of support he expected.

"I may not know much about you, but I figured seeing you walk up the streets butt naked could be fun!"

Chris couldn't help the large grin taped on his face to turn into a big smile, that charismatic pant-dropping smile that had been MIA for years was finally back.

As he jogged back to his drunken brothers, in absolute no hurry, a light in heart, he felt like that stupid smile wouldn't leave his face for quite a while.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Planning a romantic weekend away

Jimmy: Gracie came at me earlier. There was mistletoe up and I near fully hit the floor 😎 Jimmy: Hold fire though. She only wanted to tell me to convince you of summat. Pretty sure you already know what it is Janis: Erm...Father Christmas is really real? That her weave isn't from dead Brazilian hookers? Janis: Enlighten me or I'll tell her she's got a holiday free pass on you 😈 Jimmy: Double date. Need I say more 😡 Janis: FUCK. I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Janis: How far does she expect the season of goodwill to extend, like? Already got some poor cunt being a charitable home for her arse so she don't freeze Janis: Single tear. Janis: Question is, can we make it worth it enough for us to endure that shite? Hmm Jimmy: I almost got my arse to church so it wouldn't. Shoulda sucked off that priest when he asked. Too late? Jimmy: You better get me a top notch pressie, baby 😏 Janis: You know you ain't on the nice list 😉 Janis: So, Santa might be dissing but you'll be getting something extra special from me Janis: As for God, and his holly jolly perverted following, I reckon we're both shit out of 🍀 there, no matter how good our head game is, such is life Janis: Grah, I hear she does shoutouts now...want that 'influencer' clout, baby? Not double entendre my end but might be for GracieGuru 🙊😂 Jimmy: what the fuck we going to do then? No way I'm hanging with her and her latest 'boo boy' Jimmy: Even if I was getting paid, which is likely since she just loves common grounds Janis: Preaching to the choir, dickhead, ain't my idea of a good time either, or hers let's be fucking real. She just wants to dry-hump a slab of boy in front of you on the off chance that really gets you going for her Janis: You wouldn't call her brainy, bless Janis: Idk, don't worry about it, Jim. Just avoid her/the flat whites like the plague and I'll have to literally run away like I'm an angsty 12 year old so we can't be located, even with friend finder or whatever they stalk each other with Janis: Oooh! Just call me brains, we should pretend to have a romantic weekend away planned, that'll send her over the edge, that is her everything goals Janis: Like I said, I can hide from a hoe Jimmy: I knew there was a reason I kept you about Jimmy: Let's do it though. Easier to take than fake the 'gram Jimmy: Any ideas? 🤔 Jimmy: Most of my boltholes are far from yours and not very enviable for that crowd #it'sgrimupnorth Janis: Yeah, why do you tbh? Janis: Now its clear my sister has got no respect for anyone on her hunt for dick/self-esteem Janis: She's hoping its a twofer like Janis: I don't know if I can stand you for that long, darling Janis: But I SUPPOSE your the lesser of two evils here 😉 Jimmy: It's love 💕 Jimmy: Come on, it'll be a laff. I'll get the beers in Jimmy: You can try harder to beat me at darts and pool Janis: As far as the adoring fans/salty haterz are concerned Janis: and that's all that matters Janis: bitch i don't have to try! 😤 you put me off last time with ur mooning 😍 Janis: we don't need to convince the old fellas in the boozer Jimmy: Fuck off I was getting practice in! Jimmy: If you're ready to fake a break up say the word but until then, it takes a lot of work to give you the puppy dog eyes. I'm not Twix Janis: Sure you was 😂 Janis: N'awwh but you do it so well! Janis: Audition for the School play whilst ur at it, soft lad Jimmy: I do enough fake snogging without signing myself up for that bollocks Jimmy: You coming away with me then or not? Jimmy: You know your sister'll be in again nagging before shift's end Janis: Well, when you put it like that Janis: 😒 Janis: I ain't got nothing better to do, and I certainly ain't third wheeling her fake date Janis: My grandparents got a place down skerries Janis: we can crash there Jimmy: How many rooms they got? My dad's working so I'll have to bring the ramble with Jimmy: #goals I know Janis: Fucking hell, my pissing sister! She owes you more than she's spending on coffee for the hassle she's causing Janis: If you really can't, don't worry, I'll sort her. She'll be unbearable when she finds out it was all for a laugh but it was at her expense so how much of a mug can she actually make me feel? 😑 Janis: That said, there's 3 rooms, its only a caravan don't get excited but the kids would probably be buzzin', it is pretty nice down there Janis: I'll even let you have the double bed to yourself Janis: ol Janis: l Jimmy: It'll stop them nagging me about going somewhere other than the park that'll do me Jimmy: Cass talks big but she isn't even really so doable Jimmy: Don't be getting any ideas though 😍😉 my brother hasn't slept well since we moved. I'll be sharing that double like it or not Jimmy: What a way to spend my first proper time off since I started #blessed Janis: Yeah, fish and chips on the beach even tho its fucking baltic, chasing Twix will keep 'em warm, you'll earn major big brother points as well as bae ones Janis: What a mighty fine man Janis: Same here, Cass. Shh about it though Janis: Like you said, it'll be a laugh, we can make it one Janis: You'd really rather be making pinkity drinkidies or whatever the fuck they are? Jimmy: Nope. But your 1st romantic break usually is. Any talent there is in all grans playing bingo? Jimmy: Be nice to get something off the 'gram 💋 Janis: I ain't been since I was about 9 Janis: I wasn't after bitches then and I ain't now Janis: I wish you luck, 2 kids hanging on your arm and a woman back home, like Janis: Does it for some. Jimmy: I'd do some talking first to get things clear I'm not tall Tammy 😂 Jimmy: Bet you were a right cute kid, weren't you? Aww Janis: Again, have fun explaining that one, mate. I'd struggle with the concept and I'm in on it. Janis: Adorable. What happened? Jimmy: Shut up you know what you look like, mate Janis: A butch lezza? Janis: So I've been told 👍 Jimmy: That's not what they are saying anymore. Check my comments sometime. The lads are gagging for you now Janis: Goody gumdrops. Janis: I'll leave my knickers at the door, like Jimmy: You could like. I've been waiting for you to drop me as your fake bf since this whole thing started Janis: I'm not interested in any of them. Janis: Would your world be set alight by Aaron O'Reilly from form? Janis: If you wanna cop off with some of your fans don't let me stop you Jimmy: You aren't. They're not my type anymore than Aaron's yours. I'm just saying you take a crackin pic and I should know since I'm the one takin 'em. So you don't need to spout that crap. They're just jealous of how much of a butch lezza you aren't Janis: Alright. Well, you're not half bad at taking snaps, and not in the bullshit way every hoe thinks they know their angles and magic lighting these days, you're actually decent. Janis: It don't feel like crap when Janis: blah, meant to delete that, ignore it Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Wanna help me with my art project while we're away then? Kill all the birds (hopefully not with my flash) Jimmy: I'll owe you again Janis: I won't even joke on you for being a swot 🤓🤞 Janis: What've you got planned? Jimmy: I haven't had any time to think yet beyond film being the medium but Jimmy: #workinprogress Jimmy: with a muse like you m'dear how could I go wrong 💕 Janis: 😜 Janis: just so you know, i ain't bringing any homework but put my name or yours, yeah? 😘 not even in art but might count for something Janis: clue me in tho, brainiac, what do the kiddos like? i'll get 'em something Jimmy: Rookie mistake mate, art's an easy A Jimmy: They'll take anything covered in sugar. Can't say I'll love you for it when they crash mid journey though Janis: Only 'cos you're good at it. With my genes I should be but I can barely draw a stickman. Janis: I'll stick with double sports, sports science and science 👌 Janis: I'll keep sweets in stock for bribery, goes without sayin'! Different pocket to Twix' fish treats, though Janis: I'll have a look down town Jimmy: 😂 did you see that article doin the rounds about the mum who bought her kid a cat's advent calendar Janis: 😂 Yes! Shame catnip don't work like on us like it does cats, that kid would be pingin' Janis: Might get meself some, like Jimmy: What gets dogs off their heads? I'll keep Twix well clear Jimmy: She's high enough on your 😍 Janis: I don't know, actually...telling them they're good bois? Janis: Works for you boo 😘 Jimmy: I prefer being called a very bad boy 😎 Janis: You clown 😂 Janis: Good to know, suppose. Dirty weekend away though it ain't Jimmy: what our fans don't know won't break their jealous hearts Jimmy: you coming in for your freebies today or shall I do a delivery your way once Grace is home? 😉 Janis: Kick it really cliche and be my sexy delivery boy Janis: Try and bring something with sausage in so I can come at you with the quality porn writing Jimmy: Live your fantasies as well as your sister's if you want, my name tag says Jonathon today Janis: Ooh, spicing it up with some roleplay like we're middle-aged okay Janis: How boring are you that you've picked a name so similar to your own...this is why we've hit a dry patch, Jimothy! Jimmy: What would you seriously pick? Janis: For you? Janis: Who's a fittie... Janis: Anthony Joshua could get it Janis: You don't want to be in the play but reckon you can stretch to that? Jimmy: Next time I lose my name tag I'll insist on that. For the bae 💕 Jimmy: About as close as I'll get I think Janis: Who do you want? Janis: I wanna know your type Janis: Bar Tall Tammy Jimmy: Your sister obviously Janis: Fuck off, not even funny Janis: If that were true, you know where she lives bitch, I ain't stopping ya, she's practically shoe-horning you in 🤢 Jimmy: I meant the fit older one 😉 Janis: Ohhh Janis: Still, do one 🖕 I'm not pretending to be my sister you freak Jimmy: That's one pretense too far. Got it 😂 Janis: Yeah, in this hypothetical you've really shit the bed, pal. Jimmy: I only half read that because #customers and thought you called me shit in bed mate Janis: well... 😏 Jimmy: I fake rocked your world Janis Cavante! 😂 Janis: you know we faked it so i didn't have to fake it 💅 Jimmy: Aaron O'Reilly's walking through the door want me to slip him your number and end this? 😝 Janis: I will murder you. Janis: also he might think your trying to set up a threeway for YOUR benefit, so if you wanna take over the gay rumours that bad, go for it 💋🍆 Jimmy: I've seen you with a pool cue I think I'm safe Jimmy: Give a shit. At least I actually am butch Janis: Psh, you're all show no grow Janis: We're arm wrestling, then you'll see Jimmy: 💪 I'll beat you at that too then, shall I? 🏆 Janis: Bring it on. I won't make you cry too hard, save face in front of the kiddos. Janis: 'Let' them kick your arse too 😜 Jimmy: Try it, baby girl 😝 Jimmy: Cass probs could no lie. Scrappy af that one Janis: Good girl 👍 Janis: Gotta keep you in check Jimmy: Doubt you'll be calling her that when she's shadowed you all weekend Jimmy: She loves you. Who knows why? Janis: I keep telling you I'm a delight Janis: Has this...how long has it been? Month, 2? Of SHEER BLISS taught you nothing Janis: Ruuuuude. Jimmy: Nope. I'm with Team Bobby. You're a gross meanie Jimmy: As all girls are 😂 Janis: Well I'm winning Bobby 'round this weekend by hook or by crook Janis: then you can please yourself, billy no mates Janis: Team Janis 💪 Jimmy: Every bro knows you can't be friends with your girl Jimmy: DUH Janis: Oh yeah, all straight couples HATE each other and that's #goals Janis: If I can't be chatting shit on you, how will I get to talk about you constantly to my gals? Janis: Singing your praises? I THINK NOT Jimmy: Speaking of, Gracie and co are back on the premise that Tall Tammy left her....something. I wasn't listening. Should I break the news we won't be here for date night or do you want to do the honors Janis: Dignity? That's long gone, honey. Janis: Ooh, lemme do it, you're coming round with the sausage anyway Janis: We can do it together baby Jimmy: awhhh Jimmy: I've hidden the mistletoe but she can see the top of the highest counters!! I'm on borrowed time what do I do? Janis: Headbutt her in the teeth Janis: 'Accidentally' Janis: Can't help being a normal-sized human Jimmy: #customerservice Jimmy: then recommend her our chewy cookies 😂 Janis: You can see why I'm not trying to be your work wifey too, yeah? 😂 Janis: If you can convince any of those girls to break their diet, I'll be impressed Janis: Don't count if they go vom in the bogs after tho Jimmy: Gracie might be on her way already. One of her posse asked what you were getting me for Christmas and I didn't hold back Janis: Oh no, am I about to get slut-shamed? 😲 Janis: Or, heaven forfend, tips Janis: I will die Jimmy: Damn I didn't think of that. Sorry Janis: Its cool Janis: She's all mouth anyway, not in a beneficial to the cause way Janis: Be interesting hearing what she thinks you want, keep ya posted lol Jimmy: 🙌 Can't wait Janis: that's what you're meant to say about my present! Jimmy: I did, swear 🤞 Janis: what do you actually want Jimmy: Don't worry about it Janis: Oh, is it? If I'm not fucking your brains out you're not interested Janis: Fine then, save my reddies. 👍 Jimmy: That's what I was thinking. Stage a break up before 🎄 for max drama and min spends Janis: Cool. If you wanna. Janis: Just don't tell everyone you chucked me 'cos I wouldn't give it up. Already a frigit. Janis: What's the story then? Jimmy: Obviously not. We've been hooking up for ages got to keep it #goals Jimmy: I don't know haven't thought that far ahead it just makes sense to get out before gifting Janis: Yeah. Fair. Janis: Think on and let me know Jimmy: You too. We can brainstorm at the weekend. Nothing but time then Jimmy: Can't break up right after the break though Janis: Would look sus, yeah. Janis: Maybe I'll whup you one too many times, your fragile male ego can't hack it, eh? Jimmy: Grace'd be smug 😩 Jimmy: Can't even fake that, babe Jimmy: Nobody'd believe the story Janis: She's gonna be regardless Janis: I got the shitty end of the stick here like but ain't nowt we can do about it now Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: No we're goals we just burned too bright that's all 😂 Jimmy: You've got way more time served with me than she does any of her boos she doesn't win Janis: Mhmm. Calm down, Icarus. Sure you'll be comparing some other bint on a balcony to the sun in no time. 😘 Janis: Suppose so. Least hers are real, if not short-lived, and, well, shit. Janis: She won't know the difference anyway Jimmy: There's nobody like you 💕 Jimmy: Exactly I'm not going to tell her we weren't real Janis: Bullshit 💕 Janis: True enough, I'll take it. Jimmy: Shit gotta go the boss is back Jimmy: Love you 💕 Janis: Love you too, Jonathon 💕